Day 66 - Monday, October 12th

What made me smile today?

Seeing Baby again after a day at work

Baby's legs as I was changing him in the morning

What triggered me today?

Nothing today. Yesterday I did raise my voice to stop Baby from pouring out the water in his bib and making a mess everywhere. At the time I was just thinking about stopping him from making a mess everywhere (it wasn't just water, it was water mixed with food...) but in hindsight it was probably just mere curiosity on his part rather than knowing he was going to make a mess.

What would I have done differently today?

I would have been more serious about giving Baby his boundaries just before bedtime. I was smiling and laughing a bit, so in the end he thought we were playing and he didn't take us seriously at all. It just didn't go well.

What will I try to do tomorrow?

Remember limits, triggers, voice, be gentle.

What am I grateful for?

Baby hasn't developed a fever, despite being under the weather for so many days. Baby's teething seems to have settled down a bit too - he hasn't cried since that night a few nights ago where he seemed to be suffering so much.

Note: No posts for the last few days... due to movie watching (Mad Max) and hanging out with the house guest :)

Day 65 - Thursday, October 8th

What made me smile today?

Baby dipping his bread into Vivian's yoghurt chilli thing and eating it like a pro (albeit a messy pro)

Baby walking around an amazingly empty Covent Garden

What triggered me today?

Nothing - out for most of the day, usually means a trigger free day.

What would I have done differently today?

Nothing.

What will I try to do tomorrow?

Remember voice, be gentle, limits, triggers.

What am I grateful for?

Baby's puffy eye opening up a little bit as the day went on, and that it wasn't red and he wasn't itching it. Even so I am worried about his puffy eye and hope it is better tomorrow.

Day 64 - Wednesday, October 7th

What made me smile today?

Baby chattering away while I was cuddling him tonight trying to get him to sleep - I really did want him to go to sleep but I couldn't help but smile when I heard him chattering and caught a glimpse of the big smile on his face in the dark

Baby falling asleep on the journey home from work/nursery

What triggered me today?

Nothing.

What would I have done differently today?

Nothing.

What will I try to do tomorrow?

Remember triggers, voice, limits, be gentle.

What am I grateful for?

Baby's phlegmy cold not getting any worse - I was worried last night he was going to get a fever but we were ok today!

Day 63 - Tuesday, October 6th

What made me smile today?

Baby looking for his toy lettuce, and then his happy surprised face when I showed him where it was

So many Baby cuddles in the evening

What triggered me today?

Nothing... a day at work, non-rice dinner, Daddy around to look after Baby while I cooked and did the dishes, all adds up to a peaceful day.

What would I have done differently today?

Nothing.

What will I try to do tomorrow?

Remember limits, voice, be gentle, triggers.

What am I grateful for?

Baby falling asleep on the District line home.

Day 62 - Monday, October 5th

What made me smile today?

Baby giving me the sweetest smiles on the tube ride home and giving me a huge hug at one point (I like to think that the huge hug was because I was ok with him having a cry just beforehand)

Baby's ability to tap my oyster card for me

What triggered me today?

Nothing too much. The only thing that slightly annoyed me was that he took some time falling asleep tonight. I used to be able to just put him in his bed and he would fall asleep fairly quickly, but over the last few weeks he's been taking longer to fall asleep, needing more cuddles from me (and my guilt over his suffering at nursery is playing right into his hand) and just generally not wanting to sleep (I think). I think I need to rein this in somehow.

What would I have done differently today?

Nothing.

What will I try to do tomorrow?

Remember triggers, voice, be gentle, limits.

What am I grateful for?

A relatively good journey home today - he still had his cry, and he was still rather wriggly, but I have had worse journeys home.

Day 61 - Sunday, October 4th

What made me smile today?

Baby walking around in the park

Baby being a little bit bossy and insisting on Daddy using a particular colour for his colouring page

Baby happily playing by himself after lunch, which gave me enough time to wash the dishes

What triggered me today?

This was a big one today :( I always dread Sundays as I’m always very busy, even more so than normal, and this time I let it get to me. I was pretty grumpy most of the morning. I ended up raising my voice at Baby while I was tidying up after breakfast, when he really hadn’t done anything wrong (but I was even grumpier by that point as he was very messy during breakfast and decided he didn’t want to eat his porridge, I suspect because he prefers smooth porridge over lumpy porridge). And I snapped at him afterwards because he was insistently pointing at something and I had no idea what he was pointing at. I need to figure out how to not get so worked up about the mountain of things I need to do on Sundays.

What would I have done differently today?

I would have tried harder to not let my grumpiness affect Baby.

What will I try to do tomorrow?

Remember voice, be gentle, triggers, limits.

What am I grateful for?

Baby sleeping soundly meaning I was able to finish watching The Avengers (Age of Ultron). Although this also meant that I went to sleep far too late, yet again. Also, tooth brushing for Baby is now no longer full of tears… and hopefully I can get it to stay that way.

Day 60 - Saturday, October 3rd

What made me smile today?

Baby's legs - they're so juicy!

Baby running across the couch to face plant into the pile of clothes on the other side - I've named the couch his 'soft play' area

Seeing a couple of molars coming through

Baby actually falling asleep at nap time this afternoon by himself (too long a story for this journal but oh so funny)

What triggered me today?

A lot of little triggers. Nothing major. I can't quite remember anything specific, just raising my voice a few times today, and feeling a little bit flat in the afternoon (which is usually a sign of some trying behaviour, and/or lack of coffee, of which I had both).

What would I have done differently today?

I'm not sure, perhaps I would not have raised my voice as much?

What will I try to do tomorrow?

Remember limits, triggers, be gentle, voice. I have been a bit loud these past few days... sometimes I've been ok with it, sometimes I haven't. I do know I did make a conscious effort to be less loud today, after the loudness of the past few days.

What am I grateful for?

Baby not getting a fever today - his cough is rather phlegmy and so he hasn't been all that well. So glad his temperature has stayed normal though. Also Baby copes so well with his teeth coming through - he still sleeps fairly well at night and he doesn't seem overly upset during the day, even though those big teeth are breaking through his gums.

Day 59 - Friday, October 2nd

No post today - watched The Imitation Game instead. What a brilliant movie - the dialogue was excellent. And so sad.

Day 58 - Thursday, October 1st

What made me smile today?

Baby making his chicken noise when he saw the chicken in the meat section in Tesco...

Baby looking at the cauliflower I picked up in Tesco and then making his eating action and noise

Baby was sitting on my lap and then he stood up when I asked him to (he doesn't always listen! But maybe it is a case of not really hearing/understanding what I say rather than not listening)

What triggered me today?

Dinner time, again. This time it wasn't actually the mess. It was more his constant crying seemingly wanting more food, and not being able to wait. I think this would have been ok normally, except he'd been like that *all* day (crying and wanting food NOW rather than waiting til it was ready or doing all the normal stuff we need to do before we can eat)... so by dinner time my ability to deal with it was almost non existent.

What would I have done differently today?

Baby woke up crying at around 6 this morning. I usually let him cry until he falls back asleep but this morning he seemed to be crying quite a lot so I decided to pick him up to comfort him. But he didn't like that at all and did his thing where he wriggles and kicks himself out of your embrace, and so I not-as-gently-as-I-should-have grabbed hold of him again... difficult at 6am and half asleep, but I should have been more gentle. But next time I'll just let him cry - sounds awful but it is actually the best thing to do.

What will I try to do tomorrow?

Remember triggers, limits, voice, be gentle... and try to figure out how to get to the end of the day (or maybe just dinner time) and still have room for more crying and tantrums. He seems to be crying in frustration a lot more the past few days. I'm not sure if it's just stress from going back to nursery after his almost 2 week break, or if he's just entering the tantrum stage, or if his requests are becoming more complex so I'm not fully dealing with what he wants... either way, there has been a lot more frustration lately.

What am I grateful for?

Having the energy to look after Baby. I was sick twice in the last two weeks, bed-ridden sick, and it is impossible to look after Baby with the energy levels I had back then. It made me appreciate being healthy so much more.