Day 70 - Friday, December 11th

What made me smile today?

* Baby eating the miniature ice cream at Fortnum & Mason * Baby seemingly in Baby heaven as he played with ALL the tins on the ground floor of Fortnum & Mason * Baby figuring out how to slide out the price tag on the shelf, and then proceeding to slide out as many price tags as possible (I gave up putting them back after a while) * Baby enjoying story time at the library * Baby hugging me while I was carrying him in my sling * Baby making sheep noises on the tube because he saw sheep on one of the ads

What triggered me today?

I'm so happy with the way I handled Baby's tantrum at Fortnum & Mason (in short he didn't want to leave) but then all the good work that went into that went out the window when I lost my temper at him when we were getting dinner ready. I got him to help me put the cauliflower onto the oven tray (I've figured out recently he's happier when he can help) but tonight he decided to do his own thing and instead of putting the cauliflower onto the tray he tried to pour the cauliflower out, and in doing so also poured out some of the water from the bowl onto the tray. I got excessively angry, but really he was probably meandering more tonight because he was hungry, tired and overstimulated. Meanwhile all I could think of was that he wasn't listening to me (it had slowly built up...) and I lost it :(

What would I have done differently today?

I would have not lost my temper - easy to say hard to do, because it had also been a long day for me, and I was running on low too.

What will I try to do tomorrow?

Remember voice, triggers, be gentle.

What am I grateful for?

Being able to work part time so that I can spend more time with Baby. Discovering story time at the library a few weeks ago.

Day 69 - Monday, November 16th

What made me smile today?

Baby pointing to a man's umbrella on the tube today, and when I said 'umbrella' he put his hand on his head so I said 'yes the umbrella goes over your head to stop your head from getting wet from the rain'

Seeing Baby in an unexpected part of the nursery today when I went to pick him up, and when he saw me he ran over to me and hugged my legs

Baby seeing and then pointing to the mound of hair on the table (happened to be his hair which I'd been cutting during the evening) and when I said that's your hair he touched the part of his head where I'd been cutting his hair

And the funniest - I gave Baby a biscuit (speculoos Shetsie!) for dessert after dinner tonight and he was happily munching away at it. Then he tried to break it into smaller pieces by pulling it apart, so I showed him how to snap the biscuit, and once it had been snapped into about 3 small pieces he proceeded to stuff all of them into his mouth, and then pointed to the corner where I keep the biscuits. At that point I realised he wanted more (he knows that I won't give him more of anything while he's still holding food in his hands) and so I told him he was only having 1 biscuit for dessert. He then took out 2 of the pieces from his mouth and ended up slowly eating the rest of his biscuit, savouring each little bite.

What triggered me today?

Nothing - I knew he would be upset while I cooked and washed up the dishes after dinner, but time apart during the day meant I had loads of patience for his upset antics. I think on a home day I would not have acted so well...

What would I have done differently today?

Nothing.

What will I try to do tomorrow?

Remember voice, triggers, be gentle, limits.

What am I grateful for?

Baby safe and sound in my arms today - we are still in something of an aftermath following the Paris attacks on Friday.

Day 68 - Tuesday, November 10th

What made me smile today?

The huge smile on Baby's face as he ran towards me when I came to pick him up from nursery

Baby waving (kind of) and blowing kisses (kind of) for the first time when I dropped him off at nursery

Baby looking for my belly button on the tube, thinking I didn't know what he was doing, then giggling when I caught him out

What triggered me today?

Nothing - I knew Baby would want me to not wash up the dishes and spend time with him instead... he just cried though instead of running around doing everything he wasn't allowed to do. The former meant I could still get on with finishing the washing up, the latter would have probably triggered me and been more of a challenge.

What would I have done differently today?

Nothing.

What will I try to do tomorrow?

Remember to be gentle, voice, triggers, limits.

What am I grateful for?

The incredibly smooth pooey nappy change we had after dinner. It usually is anything but.

Day 67 - Monday, November 9th

What made me smile today?

Baby insisting on wearing his wellies (clean! never been worn out!) inside and clomping about in them

Baby lying down on the mat for his nappy change

Baby sitting so still on my lap while we were at the doctor's surgery waiting for my chicken pox jab to be ready - and he even gave me a hug

What triggered me today?

So, as you might have noticed, I have been absent for the past few weeks thanks to fun, busy, tiring times with the house guest, and then the many days it usually takes for me to get back into the swing of things. In the past few weeks I've had a lot of ups and downs with Baby... and I've had to really think about what is triggering me, and how I can deal with it better. So while there were no triggers today I have been triggered many times over the past few weeks, always because Baby was trying to get my attention with negative behaviour, trying so hard to get my attention because I've been busy with cooking/cleaning/preparing. He's not very good at amusing himself while I'm busy. I just have to remember to be patient while he learns how to do that. I have to remember to look beyond the behaviour, and see the little person asking for help (to paraphrase a lovely quote).

What would I have done differently today?

What will I try to do tomorrow?

What am I grateful for?

Baby sitting very still on my lap while we were with the doctor. I did have second thoughts about bringing him along as I imagined him running wild and pulling things out of drawers etc but he sat so still and serious on my lap the whole time.

Day 66 - Monday, October 12th

What made me smile today?

Seeing Baby again after a day at work

Baby's legs as I was changing him in the morning

What triggered me today?

Nothing today. Yesterday I did raise my voice to stop Baby from pouring out the water in his bib and making a mess everywhere. At the time I was just thinking about stopping him from making a mess everywhere (it wasn't just water, it was water mixed with food...) but in hindsight it was probably just mere curiosity on his part rather than knowing he was going to make a mess.

What would I have done differently today?

I would have been more serious about giving Baby his boundaries just before bedtime. I was smiling and laughing a bit, so in the end he thought we were playing and he didn't take us seriously at all. It just didn't go well.

What will I try to do tomorrow?

Remember limits, triggers, voice, be gentle.

What am I grateful for?

Baby hasn't developed a fever, despite being under the weather for so many days. Baby's teething seems to have settled down a bit too - he hasn't cried since that night a few nights ago where he seemed to be suffering so much.

Note: No posts for the last few days... due to movie watching (Mad Max) and hanging out with the house guest :)

Day 65 - Thursday, October 8th

What made me smile today?

Baby dipping his bread into Vivian's yoghurt chilli thing and eating it like a pro (albeit a messy pro)

Baby walking around an amazingly empty Covent Garden

What triggered me today?

Nothing - out for most of the day, usually means a trigger free day.

What would I have done differently today?

Nothing.

What will I try to do tomorrow?

Remember voice, be gentle, limits, triggers.

What am I grateful for?

Baby's puffy eye opening up a little bit as the day went on, and that it wasn't red and he wasn't itching it. Even so I am worried about his puffy eye and hope it is better tomorrow.

Day 64 - Wednesday, October 7th

What made me smile today?

Baby chattering away while I was cuddling him tonight trying to get him to sleep - I really did want him to go to sleep but I couldn't help but smile when I heard him chattering and caught a glimpse of the big smile on his face in the dark

Baby falling asleep on the journey home from work/nursery

What triggered me today?

Nothing.

What would I have done differently today?

Nothing.

What will I try to do tomorrow?

Remember triggers, voice, limits, be gentle.

What am I grateful for?

Baby's phlegmy cold not getting any worse - I was worried last night he was going to get a fever but we were ok today!